On dreamy worlds my eyes will now not close,
A trauma felt too deeply, causing fear;
It may be late, but I too will not sleep,
As where I trod in dreams has lost its love
For conscience mine—and wide-eyed, I shall muse,
And pain will flow like blood through waking dreams.
Thus now I dread th’approaching of my dreams:
My body tires, but eyes I will not close
Do gaze upon the stars. I quietly muse
As searing darkness comes. These dreams I fear
Are slaughtered hearts and death, and wasted love—
I would disdain the need for this night’s sleep.
Yet dreams as those I had do come from sleep:
A shining country built from yearning dreams,
Where I could run and laugh with you, my love,
And the suns would smile on us, and never close
Their brightest eyes to us. I had no fear
Of dreaming then—I had my lovely muse
Who’d spend the nights with me. But now I muse,
Afraid, alone, jettisoned from my sleep;
And pressing in from all around is fear…
Know, then, that only you have caught my dreams
And oped that heart that I did tightly close—
My mind was yours; I gave you all my love—
And you still keep that tightly. In this love
I live, my heart too pained for thought or muse.
…The night is here, and mine eyes do not close,
For I’ve no need for what all name as sleep,
But I survive on my now-shattered dreams
And also tears, and cold, bone-biting fear.
Oh! may my love for you not pass—I fear
That I my heart have sacrificed to Love—
I wish so fervently for old times’ dreams;
With you I fly, I laugh, I cry, and muse
And loved like those who needed not a sleep—
Oh let that chapter of our lives not close!
So now I do not close my eyes, for dreams
I fear, do not give peace—tonight, I muse
With lack of sleep, these passèd months of love.